


He knows it's not fair.

by BLUKWolf



Series: rainy days (bloody tears) [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Uzumaki Naruto, M/M, Naruto ends up taking the surgery, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto Friendship, Unrequited Love, for the record i'm SO sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:54:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26643310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BLUKWolf/pseuds/BLUKWolf
Summary: He's so lucky he didn't die right then right there.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi/Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto
Series: rainy days (bloody tears) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1958311
Comments: 23
Kudos: 140





	He knows it's not fair.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tuesdead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuesdead/gifts).



> For the record, i'm sorry, like really sorry.
> 
> B, i love you<3
> 
> English is not my native language so please excuse the mistakes, and enjoy it!

He knows it's not fair. 

He knows it hurts, and it makes you bleed, and sometimes he ends up crying because the feelings are too overwhelming and all he wants is for it to stop. 

But he truly, honest to God doesn't want to give this up. He's not prepared to stop, to stand there and just exist as though what happened _didn't_. A small part of him wants to scream, and that part of him lets him do it once, when he's away from home and there's nobody around to hear him. 

It helps that it's raining that day, that the clouds are gray and the wind is chilly, it helps that the rain pours heavy, and that everything around him appears as little stains against his vision, as though he was going blind. It helps a lot that the lightning is dancing across the sky with a ferocity he's only seen a few times. Once, in the hands of another almost plunging out his heart. 

That day is raining, and he really doesn't care about the consequences when he screams his heart out, when his voice tears his throat apart and the suffocating feeling in his chest is trying to swallow him whole. He acknowledges it, leaves it there, and tells himself that it's okay, even if it isn't. 

He's coughing up flowers before he knows it, he's almost choking on his own blood and crying bitter tears, kneeling on the ground with his nails buried in the dirt. He feels the petals flying out his mouth the same way he laughs, and the vines wrap around his throat the same way a hug does.

He screams, and begs, and he cries because he knows this is the only way out. 

Because he tried the way she told him. He did, and yet. 

He remembers the words, the feeling, the apologetic smile and the way the other had said _'I don't think I feel the same way'._

He's so lucky he didn't die right then right there. 

The sky trembles above him, and the rain falls harder and soaks him to the bone, and he wants to get up because he knows he's really not that lucky. He wants to get up and tell the whole world what happened, beg for someone to tell him this is just a cruel joke. 

He was so sure there was something there, between the two of them. And yet. 

. 

Sasuke finds him first. 

He's looking up at the sky with the raindrops falling on his face, and he almost wishes for the other man to thrust a lightning through his chest one more time.

But he takes a sit by his side and tilts his head, and Naruto starts talking in a quiet voice. He tells him of those months after the war, when Sakura and Kakashi took turns to feed him, tells him of the silver-haired nin being more attentive than before, of him smiling more around the blonde, of the other just being there, _for him,_ during those difficult times and how they had said things and done others and. 

He tells him of the moon, of Hinata and rejecting her, of explaining her how his heart beats for another, of going to Kakashi for advice, of late night talks about destiny and theories and the future. He tells him of the odd glint on the other's eyes, of the strange curve of his mouth and how handsome he was even though he always had a mask on. 

Naruto tells Sasuke of four years of pining, of close calls and bizarre situations. He talks about feelings, and obliviousness. Of how sometimes, he was so sure the silver-haired nin felt the same as him, of how easy was to be the both of them together, of how the flowers started. 

He tells him of loving Kakashi and confessing and being rejected. 

"There's a surgery," he mumbles, and Sasuke hums, and Naruto feels the tears falling off his cheeks. "And I know my value. I know…" 

Sasuke stills and turns, and the Sharingan is there as well as the Rinnegan, and Naruto tilts his head a little and looks him straight in the eye. 

"I know that if something were to happen, even if you're here, there's a better chance of winning with the both of us alive."

They hold each other's gaze for a while, with the rain falling and the thunders blaring, and he has the feeling that Sasuke's searching for something, that the raven-haired man is looking deep within Naruto to try and grasp at it. 

"Don't worry," Naruto whispers, and he takes a risk and takes his hand, and intertwines his fingers. "Kurama's here for me, to remember and remind me why I did it. It's fine, Sasuke. It's still going to be me." 

Sasuke begs to differ. 

.

Tsunade cries before the surgery. 

She cries when he tells her he's ready. 

And when she asks Sasuke to leave, he stays rooted at the spot and looks away. 

Naruto mumbles an apology, and he tries to smile, and he ends up crying because Sasuke refuses to look at him. He stays, but he doesn't say anything and Naruto has a lot of things to say, and he knows that once inside, there's no turning back. 

He's afraid, he knows that. 

He closes his eyes and thinks about dark, steely eyes, Kakashi's pale skin glinting in the moonlight during that mission that took them to Kusagakure and the way the man had lay beside him, pointing to stars and laughing with him. He thinks about soft silver hair and an eye smile and he starts crying.

He thinks about Kakashi, about him being late to everything and how strong he was, how fierce he fought. Thinks about his laugh, his voice, the embarrassed way he left him read Icha Icha thinking he hadn't done so during his time with Jiraiya. He thinks about mornings together, goodbyes in the middle of the street and how Naruto liked to acompany the man when he took his pack out to the training grounds.

He thinks about Kakashi and how much he loves him and he's crying so hard he's drowning in bloody flowers. 

This time, Shizune is the one who cries with him.

.

His friends ask about it. 

Not the surgery, not the flowers. 

They ask about a mission. A mission gone wrong and how Sasuke had carried him back to Konoha, draped over him while covered with blood.

He remembers haunted eyes and hollow words, Shikamaru mumbling something about lifeless dolls and gray skies. Remembers pale blonde hair and blue eyes, and Ino had said something about sunlight and rain. 

He remembers Sakura's teasing smile and tender hands, the way her eyes had lit up at seeing Sasuke and the way Sasuke had dismissed her almost immediately, making a beeline for Naruto's side. 

He remembers her eyes, her shaky smile and hurt expression, the way she had almost hunched over herself. He remembers too, her voice when she wished him a swift recovery and had all but ran out the door. 

Sai's painting is facing him from its place beside the door, a red chrysanthemum that pokes at his chest with thorns and wraps around his heart like vines, and it's just a painting of a flower but it lets him breathless and _aching_. 

And then the door's opening and there's a person, and Naruto sees silver hair and dark eyes, but he can't quite remember the man.

"Naruto," the voice is soft, and gentle, and he feels like crying. "What'd you do this time, uh?"   
  
He shrugs, then pauses. Kurama's whispering something inside his head, and the name the Fox says sounds familiar and painful and important. 

**Kakashi. His name is Kakashi**. 

Kakashi's looking at him, searching for something in his eyes the same way Sasuke did earlier, under the rain and the thunders. He sees himself reflected against the man's eyes and wonders for just a second if he really looks that bright, or if that's the way Kakashi sees him.

He hears screams echoing inside his head, sees gray and white and red and feels as though he's drowning, and he wants to cry a little and laugh some more because he understands right then right there how unfair it is. 

How unfair it is that he can't remember this man. 

**Author's Note:**

> So, I have this hc about how Naruto would react to having hanahaki and knowing it's a futile love, because ofc Kakashi couldn't make it easier for the both of them, but basically Naruto trusts Kurama with his heart. Literally.


End file.
